How To Talk To Women
by Eriphabottackson
Summary: Two-Shot for Wicked's 11th anniversary! Fiyero always knows how to get the girl and break her heart. But when he genuinely falls for Elphaba, he'll need some Galindafied advice to even start a conversation with her!


**This is a two-shot for _Wicked_'s 11th anniversary. (which no one at my school knew about except for this one girl who is also in the fandom *pouts*) Part 2 will be up as soon as I write it, and I am done with my 50 tons of homework! Happy Anniversary, everyone! :)**

**Disclaimer: It's been 11 years. No one is giving the rights to _Wicked_ over anytime soon. **

"Galinda, I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"How do… um… how do you talk to women?"

Galinda almost choked on her bubble gum at the question of her ex-boyfriend, who was at the candy shop across from Shiz with her. Fiyero was about to perform the Heimlich on her when she finally recovered, her breath coming in shallow gasps. "So Fiyero Tiggular, the hunky, swankified prince of Vinkus, needs dating advice?" she asked in surprise.

"Not dating advice," Fiyero replied, starting to blush. "Just how to talk to women."

"I still don't get what that means." Galinda began to twirl her finger through one of her blonde, curly locks.

"I just don't want to come off as what some girls call 'insensitive.' I want to know how to talk to a girl without upsetting her unintentionally."

Upon the clarification, Galinda seemed to realize what was going on. "So… when you told me you wanted to break up with me because you thought you were meant to be with someone else," the blonde began, her voice becoming full of pain, "you really _were _in love with someone else."

"Yes," responded Fiyero, cringing slightly. He didn't mean to hurt Galinda by breaking up with her. He just didn't have feelings for her the way he did for…

"Elphaba," he said out loud. "I love Elphaba."

His ex-girlfriend's frown turned into a smile. "Really?!" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you say so? I would've been okay with it, you know. She deserves someone like you. And since Elphie and I are practically sisters, it would be like you're my future brother-in-law!" The blonde squealed and threw her arms around Fiyero.

Fiyero cleared his throat. "Galinda… advice… kind of important…"

"Oh, right!" She straightened herself and took on a serious expression. Aside from shopping, fashion, and procrastinating on essays, boy-girl interactions was another one of Galinda's areas of expertise… even if this was Elphaba, her smart but boring green-skinned roommate, that she was supposed to be considering as she gave Fiyero her best advice.

"First off," she began, "You always have to tell a girl that she's pretty. Even if she thinks she's not. Or even if _you_ think she's not. And you don't even have to talk about her appearance. Any compliments equal a happy girlfriend."

Fiyero took out a notepad and started writing things down. _#1 Pretty; compliments; happy gf._

"Second," Galinda went on, ignoring Fiyero's note taking, "don't ask about a girl's past unless she wants to tell you. Give her time to open her heart and let you in. Also, bringing up moms, jerk-face fathers that wouldn't approve of you, milkflowers, and green elixir will just end up badly."

Fiyero knew that last part was mainly directed at Elphaba, but he wrote it down just in case.

"Thirdly (if that's even a word) you can't just let your mouth do the talking. Actions speak louder than words. Flowers are your best bet, but not all girls like flowers… either because they're tomboys, smart, or they sneeze around them. If this is the case, just go with chocolates. Because honestly, who _doesn't _love chocolates?"

That one was a lot to write down, and Fiyero needed a repetition. Galinda simply replied, "Flowers. Chocolate. Love."

"Lastly, save your personal details after she talks about herself, or after you talk about her. That means no talking about 'the guys,' your plans for the relationship, or anything that girls show no interest in, like sports, beer, politics, et cetera."

When this last part was written down, Fiyero grinned. "Thanks, Galinda," he beamed. "I'll try this out on Elphaba tomorrow in History."

"Good idea," replied Galinda. "And you are welcome, bro-in-law." Fiyero laughed to himself as the two walked back to campus.


End file.
